The Role of the Host
Categorised in: Professional Resources
I only remember one event of meeting a client for the first time and never again meeting that particular alter who presented. Usually, people have developed their systems by adulthood to a point of stability whereby they have a distinctly functioning alter or part of their personality, who presents to the outside world. We usually refer to them as the Host. The host meets the outside world as a protector and key holder for the system. It is critical for the counselor to discover if the host is an alter or the Original Person.
The host may or may not be the original person. The host is the personality most people think of in regards to how a person dresses, thinks, speaks, works and behaves. Some systems can have several hosts or can be complex enough to have a rotating team of hosts. Primarily, the host is the aspect of the person most frequently observed by their world. A group of hosts are usually designed to be a formidable shield against accessing the system inside. A therapist can be fooled into believing they are engaging alters who are not hosts since there are numerous ones.
The host decides who can access the inside alters and when alters can come out unless a trigger supersedes their awareness. Specialty alters come out to do their jobs frequently as the need presents itself, such as mothering, being a wife or husband, performing the specific skill of their profession, to receive certain types of abuse, to fulfill certain programmed assignments and more.
The Original Person must be pursued for maximum healing. It is critical for the counselor to discover if the host is an alter because the alter will not necessarily know. It is with much consternation that some host alters react, when they realize they are not the original person. The host alter had been doing a very difficult job and often with much negative attitude form those inside. Once they realize that “someone else” is shirking their responsibility and it has fallen upon them, the host is usually and rightfully so, a bit irritated and anxious for the Original Person to stand up and do their own job and not pawn it off onto them. These overworked and tired hosts can be a great assistance for encouraging the Original Person to come forward and assume leadership in their lives, rather than managing only from inside or completely resigning their design.
Some clues that a host is an alter would be their lack of knowledge about what occurred in the counseling session or ignorance of the presence of other alters. One client, Susan, became very distressed, when I asked for a report of the homework assignment. “Was there homework? What was it?” she asked. I explained that perhaps she was not the part of her to whom I assigned the homework. She was amazed that such an event could occur. We agreed that it was alright for me to ask inside to speak to whomever received the assignment. I asked. Immediately, Barbara introduced herself as a leader in the system and explained, that if Susan knew about the many parts inside or the trauma they had suffered, she would not be able to do life out there. So she, a protector, just took over or came out once the session conversation got beyond the travel to the sessions etc.
Being a good protector, Barbara never saw a good reason to introduce herself before, since I did not seem to know the difference. Once I pondered, there was a noticeably significant identity change and I was then able to quickly recognize her as she switched out. Barbara went on to be a major assistant for me in Susan’s healing and her own of course, since she was a vital part of Susan. Perhaps a year later, Susan stated she was not happy with the situation of driving all that distance and spending two or three hours without even know what had transpired. I explained the strategy Barbara had explained to me. She pondered the rationale. “I can appreciate that, but could I have a brief summary of the session content, without the gory details, at the end of the session?” she requested. I spoke with Barbara about the request. She had been listening and agreed that she and I would decide what would be safe for Susan to know. We continued our prayer counseling with that format until Susan and Barbara were integrated.
With the previous example, it is obvious not to allow the host to do all counseling. Sometimes a host is not always on the side of the person who wants healing and your endeavors. This host can purposefully divert the interventions and in this way acts as a saboteur. Or they may edit what they are hearing when they report to you, the counselor or support person. [See previous article: The Function of Reporters and Saboteurs.]
A major tool for increased efficiency of healing is for the host/s to talk with their system and explain their job and goals they have had through the years to protect the others. This may have been by using rage to alienate potential or existing friends of inside alters which were perceived as dangerous by the host or punishing those inside who stepped out of host boundaries for example. There are many other possibilities but all result in division.
Healing requires the host to genuinely ask the inside alters for their forgiveness. Yes, they must forgive themselves for their self hatred and castigation for doing what they thought would help them survive a hostile world. Once the other parts understand that they were just doing their job well, it is important for the alters to ask forgiveness for their rejection and criticism. This deals with self rejection and the often nagging voices of criticism heard by our clients throughout the day. The negative self beliefs contributing to lack of self love are sinful. Jesus commanded us to love ourselves. Matthew 19:19, “Jesus answered, ‘Do not murder, do not commit adultery; do not steal; do not give false evidence; honor your father and mother; and love your neighbors as yourself.'” Inherent in this scripture is to first love oneself.
Self hatred and revilement give an open door to demonic attachments whose purposes are destruction of the individual. These could be the source of destructive behavior including episodes of suicidal ideation or attempts. John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
It can be frightening for the host to step aside and allow alters to come out and speak to you. Of course in reality they have ‘gone inside’ many times when an alter switched out, but they may have not been aware it was happening. I often encourage them to just step aside and listen to what happens. The concept of stepping into the wings of a stage and watching the alter on center stage is a helpful tool. This will not work if the client has been abuse “on stage”. It is prudent to ask if anyone remembers being hurt on a stage before suggesting this tool. Assure them that if something happens which is not acceptable to them, they may come back out right away and we can discuss the matter. This relieves the fear which may be coming from many directions. To name a few, such as unfamiliarity, perpetrator threats, or sense of losing control in their job. This is also a great tool for increasing co-consciousness, a goal of healing to promote oneness. It is common for them to report a scary feeling of going away to nowhere. Reality orientation is helpful here. Encourage them to hold onto the arms of their chair or your hand. As the host permits access to the inner parts, greater communication results, trauma is disclosed for healing and ultimate integration can occur.
The most common type of host is consumed with denial . If a small child is totally dependent upon its parents or caregivers, is physically weak as all little ones are and has no real power, their existence depends upon being able to stay with the adults. If the very same adults are abusing or submitting them to abuse, it would be rationally humanly impossible for them to stay with the adults…but they are unable to escape, except by dissociation. An alter must be made by the Original Person to think the abusive adults are really nice and sometimes even perfect. This is a denial primary presenter. There can be extensions of this denial alter to accommodate even the highly academic clinical clinicians and programmers. If the child is involved in a satanic cult, the alter of denial for this situation is considered cult loyal. If there is someone who can deny these things even happen, everyday existence is therefore tolerable.
Other alters are made to be responsible for functioning in the other aspects of their lives. This prevailing denial will probably not go away until the end of the healing for dissociation. It is powerful and resilient. A critical question to ask a denial primary presenter is,” What do you think would happen if all that you have been denying is really true?” Whatever they think is usually a lie. A formidable mindset…a stronghold which captures our minds and robs us of the ability to think freely. 11Corinthians 10:4-5: The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. It can be removed by the blood and name of Jesus. [A prayer for defeating strongholds can be found in our prayer section.]
Simple dissociation may present the Original Person as the host. More complex dissociative persons tend to have alter host/s. The usual disunity between the host/s and inner selves needs to be resolved via understanding of the motivation for the hosts’ actions and resultant forgiveness. It is critical to develop communication and a working relationship between the host/s and inner selves. The denial of the hosts will be a challenge for the interventions because it has been the source of survival in the outside world. Loving compassion, teaching supportive tools, negotiation and respect for all of the person are necessary for progress towards wholeness. One of God’s promises is found in Isaiah 61:1. It says that the Sovereign Lord would heal the brokenhearted. He does do so with great gentleness and profound effectiveness.