Self Defense Systems Which Can Destroy Your Life
Categorised in: Insights
People who dissociate were broken due to trauma. The child learned to make alters who could protect in times of danger or fear. But, there is a significantly major problem which most dissociative persons experience. The alters who were created to protect may still be functioning by the guidelines of the childhood design. Certainly this is true if the alter is still a child. This often results in embarrassing conflicts with family, friends, and co-workers or even strangers. Moreover, it may result in seriously unacceptable social behavior even to the extent of incarceration. Protector alters are some of the priority aspects of the person to be healed in order to pave the way to full integration.
Do you know your Protectors? “What are protectors?” you ask. If you are going to use paints or solvents, you would slip on gloves to protect your skin. If the gloves fit well, they almost feel like they are a part of you. Protectors are like the gloves you put on. If a situation seems too dangerous, you dissociate and “go away” in your mind and a protector slips in to protect your body. When you dissociate, part of you feels safely away from the trauma, but someone has to stay in your body and experience what happens. This transition or “switch” happens automatically. You may be amnesic to these alters. That is, not aware of their existence or their actions. In this case, you would certainly have some time loss. Or, you may be co-conscious with your protectors. By this we mean that, even though you do not seem to be in control of your body, you do know what is going on. It is like you are doing something which actually is a surprise to you and yet you are unable to control it. After the perceived trauma is over, you may find yourself quite upset to learn that you have behaved in a certain manner.
For instance, when you realize that a perfect stranger has just been cussed out by you in reaction to a triggering word or action. Or, it may be debilitating to realize that you have just put an important authority figure “in their place” or actually battered, physically attacked, someone.
Protectors can be created to be any age, shape, size, gender or even non-human. For example, if you were 5 years old when the trauma began, you might have imagined that part of you was 8 years old, since that seems bigger and stronger than your 5-year-old body. After a number of years, 8 seems too little, so you might pick 15 as a good age for another alter to be your protector. Protectors seem bigger, stronger, often louder or bolder than the other parts that have had to suffered so much pain. They don’t always have to appear human, since you have such a wonderfully creative mind that can visualize anything. They see their job as protecting parts of you from further abuse or danger. You will better understand this after viewing our delightful DVD, Why Doesn’t Anyone Understand Us?. It can be ordered from our store.
When an event happens that feels similar to the original trauma, a protector might be triggered and come out “automatically”. It can be quite a surprise when you suddenly sound really angry and are trying to verbally or even physically push people away. Just like the porcupine bristles his quills when he is threatened, so the protectors are “bristle-y” to keep you from being hurt. They strive to frighten away anyone who seems unsafe or dangerous. But even porcupines can be eaten by wolves, owls and other predators. Their sharp quills look forbidding, yet do not keep the animal safe from something much bigger than they are. In the same way, protectors mainly use scare tactics which have limited success.
It would be helpful to work with the denial parts of you, to help them realize that no matter how well the protectors did their job, they were not able to fully protect you. Dissociating in your mind helps part of you to “not know”, but the body is still stuck there to suffer the trauma. There is no way a child can truly protect themselves, because by nature, children are helpless and weak. So there may be lots of anger inside because the protectors cannot completely protect from abuse and may even perpetuate some of the abuse. We will address the issue of internal perpetrators at length in a later article.
Protectors might perform their jobs in unusual ways, especially toward your parts inside. Sometimes they want to sound big and scary and act like a bully. There might be a “Critical Parent” type-alter that is pushing everyone to perform perfectly. Historically, you may have been punished for not getting it perfect. Other times Protectors might inflict pain inside, thinking that they are saving you from worse pain on the outside. So there could be a lot of anger against Protectors from those inside.
This is where communication and understanding are really important pieces in healing. No matter how frightening a protector might sound, that part was usually created to try to keep you from further harm. When you respect that and empathize with the pain they have suffered doing their jobs, it will help with reconciliation.
Address the beliefs of the protectors and the opposing views held by the disagreeing sides. As much as possible, talk through the conflict and bring truth to both sides so there can be mutual understanding and eventual harmony. It is helpful when the protectors are willing to back down and permit a safe person or counselor to reach hurting alters inside. This allows true healing to become available to those in dire need that are hiding inside. Otherwise, the protectors can block therapy and relationships so much that it is really difficult to make progress. There are not many counselors who will allow aggressive verbal, emotional, physical or spiritual behavior to continue long in therapy. Healthy family members, friends, neighbors and co-workers do not appreciate harshness and aggression. They may distance themselves from you as a result. You need their support and fellowship for healing.
Ask Yahweh to help you find truly safe people who are supportive and understanding. If you seem to push all potential friends away, look for judgments against people and against the treasure that you are. The Lord God does not want you to be alone and hurting all your life. Read the A.C.A.C.I.A. website articles on Foundational Teaching: Basic Healing Concepts, Laws of Sowing and Reaping, and The Healing Process. There are loving people who will help you in your healing journey. Get your protectors to see this need and help you discern people who will be helpful and those who are not. The more agreement and unity you have, the safer you will be.
Most of all, look to true Lord Jesus to be your defender. He made you, knows all about you and loves you unconditionally. As you keep choosing to get to know the Real Jesus, and trust Him more, you will discover He is protecting and will protect you in so many ways. But you ask: “Where was He when I was being abused?” That is a difficult question to answer fully.
I can tell you He was there hurting with you and for you. That answer will have more impact when you allow Him to show you that personally. The ultimate answer is that Jesus was on the cross suffering horrible agony and shame for your benefit. He loves you that much!
What is this life all about anyway? You have a physical body which needs to be under the direction of your eternal spirit. All of us will die physically one day, sooner or later. But when even a part of you truly loves Jesus, you will live in heaven for all eternity enjoying splendor beyond imagination. That is something that no one or nothing in all creation can steal from you. Why do you need to be afraid of death when you know what glory awaits you beyond this life?
The Lord God protects your spirit and inwardly renews you day by day. Read II Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18 for encouragement. You are an original creation, a treasure in an ordinary, fragile, physical container. True, you have broken places, but that allows the beauty of your treasure to shine through in a magnificent way.
The best way to make peace with your protectors is to encourage them to turn their jobs over to Yahweh and let Him protect you and give them better jobs. Never forget….no one will lose purpose or function. He does amazing transformations. Watch how He transforms night into a gorgeous unique sunrise every morning. If He could paint the clouds in brilliant colors, don’t you think He could figure out the best way to protect you and help you to grow more beautiful inside? Trust Him with the job of protecting His marvelous creation that is you!