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How would you describe your friend Sue or Joe? Probably the first descriptive words you would use include what you often see and hear. Usually, people with DID, have a Host which you are describing. It is possible to have more than one Host. If Sue seems like a sweet quiet religious woman, it may be because her Host personality is that way. You might never meet the angry teen or the terrorized child unless there is a crisis when the Host switches to another part.

Since DID is a coping mechanism learned in childhood to survive horrible abuse, it continues all through life until there is healing and change. Dissociation or separating (see Foundational Teaching, “What is Dissociation”) into different parts of consciousness or alters, becomes automatic with use. Some part of your personality has to help you survive and live current usual everyday life. You need a relatively consistent face to show to the world. Now granted, some dear people are so shattered that the constant switching is what is always seen. In general, there is some level of functionality and stability of personality by adulthood. That is the Host or as Dr. Tom Hawkins termed it, the Presenter, Primary Presenter, or Denial. Since the Host interacts with life in the outside world, there may be growth
or change over time.

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In normal speech “denial” is a negative word. Here we are talking about a strategy to survive major trauma and stay sane. Denial is an excellent short-term coping mechanism. If your house just burned down you would be in shock and denial. That is helpful for a few days until you can sort out the details and decide what has to be done. Then over a long period of time you process the details, grieve and move on. If you were still in denial after 10 years, there would be a big problem.

Denial in DID is similar to this illustration. A child being sexually abused every night is helpless and powerless to change their situation. So the next morning the host or in this case, Denial steps in and the child forgets what happened last night so they can go to school, not get into more trouble and stay sane. Dissociation actually keeps part of their mind, will or emotions uncontaminated by the horror of the abuse. They chose to “not know” or “go away” in their mind to maintain functionality. This gets the child through the crisis until they gain more understanding, resources and power. There are many problems if no one understands DID and the child becomes an adult and is still using the coping mechanism of denial. Denial’s main job has been to maintain the status quo, deny that anything is very wrong and therefore rejects looking at the pain of the conflict. (SeeGetting to Know All About Me Article 5.)

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By mid-adulthood the break down of the system often goes from problematic to intolerable. The symptoms resulting from abuse cannot be kept down forever. What brought you to seek help? What areas of life and relationships became so difficult that you are now reading this to get help? It is good to face these things realistically so the pain will motivate you to change, even if it is difficult. Nothing in life really stays the same. Managing life usually gets much more difficult using dissociative coping as we age. Using different coping skills will produce positive changes.

What started out as a survival strategy becomes a huge wall to block the truth and prevent healing. The Host is not usually intentionally being dishonest, lying or deceptive. But the very nature of escape and hiding has given birth to Denial. Since the Host may not be aware of other parts of their humanity, they might not be the best alters to do all the counseling . It is most helpful when all of your alters can talk together. Our enemy wants to divide and conquer; Our Savior wants us to be one as He and His Father in Heaven are one. So working together is the road to healing and having a “sound mind” (II Timothy 1:7) rather than a “double minded” person who is “unstable in all he does” (James 1:8).

Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA), has all these dynamics to an extreme. There is intentional programming installed to keep the status quo and block change. Remember that programming in this context, imposing a belief system into the unconscious mind of a victim in order to serve the goals of the programmer. These programs have many lies such as: if anything changes In the System, I will die/go insane/kill myself. So there is a terrible fear of getting better or changing things. Since the Host is not aware of this, he or she or they unintentionally keep it in place.

You have a wonderful mind and can be co-conscious with more than one part of your humanity at a time. As parts become aware of each other and listen in an honoring way, they become co-conscious of each other and can work together. It will really be helpful if the Host is willing to come to counseling and step aside a bit while still being present and listening. Then as other parts express their pain and trauma, the Host can become more aware of their life history story. The more each part shares their own stories and understands each other, the more the System will be in agreement and work together. The more you work with all your parts, the better you will function. Also, then instead of being driven, fearful and angry, one can be soothed by understanding, acceptance and hope.

I congratulate the “you” that bears the name, the Host that handles much of the daily living. You have worked hard and done a great job of surviving this far! But I would like you to consider what an abundant life might look like. Imagine what it might be like if you could stop expending so much energy protecting yourself from the internal pain. Dream about what life would be if you allowed the strong Lord of Hosts to protect you 24/7. Wouldn’t it be great to be more efficient in your use of time, have things go smoothly at work, and not have arguments with your family about what they said that you said (but you are amnesic to)? This is the road to healing and it is possible!

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Every part of your humanity has importance and worth. Encourage the parts of yourself to talk and negotiate their individual differences. Thank each alter for how they have worked hard to help you function and survive. No one loses their value or job as they work together, but often they can get a more effective job in line with your Heavenly Father’s picture of your true identity. It may be wise to ask forgiveness from yourselves for what they may have perceived as controlling behavior. This can build a healthy bridge to effective communication which speeds up recovery.

A profound instrument for healing is found in understanding and strengthening your personal spirit. As you connect with the Holy Spirit, you can find your true, original person and design. As you align with God’s purposes for you before you were created, the defilement of the abuse comes off more easily. “Yet to all who received him … he gave the right to become children of God–children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13).

You are a very special child of the King of Kings who loves you so much he sent his Son to save you. I know that your abuse has thrown doubt on this, but why don’t you find out the real truth of who he is and his love for you?