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Change happens to everyone whether they choose it or not. Some changes are exciting and anticipated. Other changes are fraught with the unknown and therefore filled with fear. Our bodies change as we age. If we are educated to these coming changes, they are more easily adjusted to, once they occur. Understanding what is normal helps us immensely to make wise choices for change.

Being aware of God’s design and plan for our lives also immensely aids us to make appropriate healthy choices for change. Some people actually choose to stay in positions of victim or stuck in misery because they are so afraid of change. But really, nothing stays the same. Often if we don’t change, the bad gets worse.

Trying a new sport can be hard at first. After we learn and practice, it gets easier and smoother. It is that way with many changes. They are tough to start and easier with practice.

God wants us to change and grow up in a healthy way. Like a caring teacher, he gives us lessons and sometimes tests. When we trust that he loves us, the tests are much easier. We know he won’t make it too hard because he doesn’t want us to fail. When it feels like life is too hard, why don’t you turn to Jesus and ask for his help? Trusting him can take the fear and pain out of change.

Parts inside can be afraid of change too. Sometimes they fear that if you do something different they will have to go away or lose their job. God will protect you so that you will never lose a part of yourself.

Parts inside can be afraid of change too. Sometimes they fear that if you do something different they will have to go away or lose their job. God will protect you so that you will never lose a part of yourself. It may look like parts of yourself have died or disappeared, but it isn’t true. Jesus treasures every part of your human-ness and will not lose or forget anything that is really you.

Changing jobs can seem scary but it could be fun. Jesus can help you make changes that are for your good. Then when you get a different job it’s often wonderful. Many people inside who were stuck in jobs that are too hard get new enjoyable jobs. In the past there may have been parts that were hurting you and didn’t know it. When Jesus gives new jobs, he will help those parts become happier and safer for all of you.girlthinking

Sometimes other people change so quickly it is hard to handle. It is probably not your fault when they get mad, even if they say it is. Some people have not learned how to handle their own feelings and blame others for their unhappiness. Be truthful with yourself. If you do something wrong, say that you are sorry and try to change. But if you haven’t done anything wrong, let God defend you, he knows the truth. Don’t accept blame when you are trying to do right.

Unsafe people can make up tests where you always fail. Stay away from those people or try not to play their game. Those kinds of people might not be happy no matter what you do. So it is impossible to please them. Do your best for Jesus, and then don’t worry about pleasing difficult people. Jesus is always pleased with you because he loves you.

Changing bad thoughts to good thoughts helps every part of you. Thinking about how much Jesus loves you, and has good plans for you, builds up hope. This helps you to be kind to yourself and love yourself just like you love others. Remind yourself of how much Jesus cares for you and will protect you. If you have dark thoughts, you can tell them to go away in Jesus’ name.

Select Bible verses that are easy to remember. If you can, read out loud so that every part of you can enjoy the Bible. Pick a special verse and say it over and over until you’ve got it. Select some which promise transformation, for example.

Before you make any big changes, it is a good idea to first talk to everyone inside about it. Respect everyone’s thoughts and feelings. They are all part of you and they deserve to be listened to and loved just like you…they are..you know!

Before you make any big changes, it is a good idea to first talk to everyone inside about it. Respect everyone’s thoughts and feelings. They are all part of you and they deserve to be listened to and loved just like you.

Denial plays an important role in this confusion. It has been said that denial of conflict is the root of dissociation. As long as denial is entrenched, healthy changes will be blocked from actualization. Denial is not the adversary, but a necessary survival mechanism. It is also the glue that seems to hold dissociative walls in place. Truth will only produce changes when the heart and mind are in agreement with those changes.

Gently speak to your denial part(s). Validate the need for denial in the past, then try to get cooperation in considering alternative courses. If you can keep the denial portions on board, as you work with the more wounded alters, then the effort will have greater impact and lasting effects. If denial is not co-operating, you may find that many of your interventions will not last. Some of my clients report that they totally forgot all the counseling once they left because “denial” believed that what had transpired could be dangerous to them and had caused the forgetfulness. Once denial feels safe enough and strong enough to look at painful memories, progress will be more effectual.

If there is too much memory work done too quickly or memories incorporated while still somewhat contaminated, you may feel overwhelmed and regress.

Denial is also important to help the you function in everyday life. If there is too much memory work done too quickly or incorporated while still somewhat contaminated, the you may can feel overwhelmed and regress.

Listen to their cues and find out why they feel overwhelmed or are going into strong denial of the pain. In the original memories the child was unqualified to deal with the situation and was truly overwhelmed. That memory was “frozen” in time along with the accompanying affect. So the feelings are accurate for that time, but not the survivors’ complete present reality. See Recognizing and Restoring the Severely Abused: Dissociative Identity Disorder: Psychological Dynamics Vol. I by Tom Hawkins, or visit www.rcm-usa.org for further insights. Use your present strength and resources. Have alters cooperate with each other and build ego-strength.

Severe psychological conflict produced the apparent reason for the need to dissociate in the first place. For example, if something happens that threatens the survival instincts of a young or pre-born child, so that it seems impossible to continue, that will produce severe conflict. The need to survive and the feeling that you cannot survive are opposing views. Since they cannot be reconciled by the immature brain, denial of reality is an obvious choice.

Another common intolerable conflict would come if the child was abused by their parent. They need to attach to the parent as the source of care, yet the reality is that this parent is being cruel and hurts the child.

The unbearable conflict of the reality that “my parent may kill me,” and the denial side that, “I am totally dependent upon my parents” and “parents love their children” can result in splitting.

The unbearable conflict of the reality that “my parent may kill me,” and the denial side that, “I am totally dependent upon my parents” and “parents love their children” can result in splitting.

As Dr. Tom and Diane Hawkins teach; examining the beliefs behind the intolerable psychological conflicts and correcting them, makes processing the trauma more tolerable. It also weakens the walls of dissociation since there is no need to protect the Original Person from knowledge of the event. When facing the conflict the question to ask is: “What would it mean if this (the intolerable conflict being denied) is true? When you arrive at the belief, examine it to see if it aligns with truth. If the client can hear from God, ask God to speak his truth to them.

Usually the harder one perspective is pushed, the stronger the opposing internal position will retaliate, escalating conflict. When conflicting views are firmly held, be careful to acknowledge both sides. For example, in Satanic Ritual Abuse situation systems, the cult-loyal alter tries just as hard to protect the survivor as the Bible-believing, church-going alters. So do not take sides, but respectfully affirm all parts of the person. Sometimes it may take careful discernment to differentiate between an alter and a demon, because the alters may even believe they are demons. You cannot “cast out” or do deliverance of a part of the person’s humanity, but you can severely wound them by trying. Caution is in order here, preferably with confirmation from a discerning intercessor. We will cover this in more depth in future articles.

Programming can set up many roadblocks: triggers to self-destruct, not remember, quit, or threats and backlash for continuing in therapy. The more cooperation that can be attained between the Original Person and cult loyal parts, the more easily the programming can be defused. Mind-control programming though, is basically a belief system put in place during severe trauma. By using prayer, discernment from the Holy Spirit, and a good therapeutic alliance, progress can be made, but it may be slow.

Fear is a major roadblock to change. Negative expectations can set the you up for failure. Fear can keep you stuck in a dysfunctional cycle that usually spirals downward. The feeling of being overwhelmed may signal that memory work is going too fast or something is destabilizing the system internally or externally. Look for the root of the belief. You may be hypersensitive to the slightest negative emotion coming from others. Look for judgments and bitter roots in the individual. Inner vows are especially resistant to change. They are like a train on an invisible track that is incapable of turning to the left or right, no matter how hard it tries. See Basic Healing Concepts” 1, 2, & 3. These may be pointed out, examined in light of the truth and renounced when they come up. Foundational trust issues should be addressed regularly. Developing a trusting alliance takes great time and intentionality.

Positive changes will rarely happen without a safe environment. See the article on “Assessing Safety Needs”. Timing is a factor in the willingness and readiness to change.

There needs to be strong motivation to carry you through the pain of memory work.

There needs to be a strong motivation to carry you through the pain of memory work. Even the realization of the need for help can have an opposing belief of the importance of maintaining the internal and external status quo.

Change is a process. The saying “two steps forward, three steps back,” feels true for those on the healing journey.

So changes will come, just like winter changes to spring and then summer. There is a time for tears and a time for laughing. There is a time to hurt and a time to be healed. God made everything beautiful in its time. So thank him for what is good and trust him for what seems too hard. One thing is sure, God never changes. He will always love you no matter what.